matilda-'s Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- can't sleep Something woke me up and now I'm wide awake. What bites is that it took me a couple of hours to fall asleep in the first place. ~~~~~More water in my dreams. I remember swimming in a pool. I wanted out but had trouble doing it. At another time I was running towards an apartment with two people, my parents maybe, and a little boy(?). It was raining hard and we were having trouble getting inside. And the strangest part of my dream was wearing a fish costume with what I believe had a chicken or cow head.~~~~~ Is that what it's like to be on drugs? Someone left a voice mail at 1am but didn't say anything. I got another one of those messages yesterday too. There was noise in the background but I couldn't quite make out what it was. I can hear the wind chimes outside my window. If it weren't so cold and windy, I'd go out there with the purple chair and read. Maybe just sit there. We can add Germany to the list of places I might be going. I know I can't run. Honestly I don't think that's what I'm doing. I told Ron I'd like to go somewhere with no telephones, no internet access, no nothing for a while. Is that what I really want? No, maybe not. I feel like banging my head up against the wall, screaming, pulling out clumps of my new hair. It feels so good running my fingers through it. It would feel better if someone else could do it for me. Back under my comforter I go. Leave the windows open, turn the radio off. Sorry Art Bell. Think about John, something I've not done in a while. Think about that day at the lake, try not to go much further than that, when it all turned to shit. It's safe to stop right at that moment. I think I can fall back asleep. 04:01 - Saturday, Jun. 01, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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